#and I've also gotten better at English in the mean time so if i wrote the end now there'd be a drastic style change in the middle which. no.

[the-contraire-of-zugzwang]

mbs fandom would you be interested in a scene from a fanfic that will never be continued for reasons unknown ?

[lawofnamesmedia]

All things end. Remember us. Thoughts on making Arcadia, CA

This was written as a thread for twitter, so the formatting is... exciting.

I spent ~a month trying to write out something about the end of Arcadia, CA that I could read aloud, and add to the episode. I wanted to use my actual, real /voice/ to talk about the experience of this show, & how important and wonderful it's been. I failed utterly. So. Thread.

Arcadia was the very first AD I attempted to make. I'd done audio content before, & a little bit of script writing, but nothing like this. I, uh, also had barely /listened/ to any ADs. The project really was just diving into something thinking I'd figure it out as I went.

That meant I did everything "wrong"-- I cast /long/ before the show was written, wrote as we went, added & /changed/ characters mid-stream, failed to have any sort of outline for the first ...2 years... & overall just... did not follow best practices. At all.

But. Even with all that. We made something beautiful. & genuinely /good./ We told a story that is by-and-large cohesive & coherent, & mostly wraps up all its plotlines & character arcs. A story that is /brilliantly/ acted w/ fucking /stunning/ sound design.

Actors. All of you. I cannot express how much I've enjoyed working with you, nor how fantastic the work you've done is. You ran with me on all my weird tangents & ideas, and some of the best things in the story are ones /you/ brought to it.

@satyrofstrategy-- finding & casting you was random chance, & a stroke of luck that I'm pretty sure shaped my entire existence as an AD creator. Getting you to perform Shakespearean monologues as a quasi-human ~ * actor * ~ has been a highlight. Also, your villain monologue in the finale!

Vanessa- the notes you hit from the very /first/ recording session as a well-meaning mom who very much as Her Own Issues... You never let Holly be /just/ Niko's mom. Even from the audience's limited POV, she had depth. I kind of wish I'd gotten to play with it more, tbh.

Corvyn- Karin was one of the characters who changed a lot in response to the actor. For me, some of the best bits were when she finally hit the wall & couldn't be Entirely Rational Mom. Your voice when she was trying /so hard/ to stay level but FUCKING STRESSED.

Thomas- Wil's story changed SO MUCH, & you took it all in stride. Going from goofy sidekick to antagonist to villain to redemption arc... he couldn't have been in the hands of a better VA. Thank you. So much. (& thanks for the easter egg for him in the stinger ; ) )

Speaking of changing character stories, Rue! I brought you in as love interest & suddenly you're 2 characters in one. Every recording with Purchaser & Elliot afdl;fdashla. I swear, you didn't even blink when I asked about maybe, uh, being faerie possessed?

@superhumanfoods rolled in 1/2 way thru the story & fundamentally altered its course. Your ability to echo other characters' delivery & the just. Baffling /sweetness/ that is Thomas... & also your fucking comedic timing... & how you jumped in with both feet... Thank you.

Cailen- you love Lia at least as much as I do, & it shows in every second of your performance. You are a fucking consummate professional, & staggeringly skilled actor. I loved your willingness to interpret lines in ways that fit her better. I don't think you ever got it wrong.

(Also, I dearly want to include a clip of them speaking in their natural accent at some point, because despite recording for four damn years, I /never/ got over hearing them go from English accent ((specifically regional but I /cannot/ remember)) to American by way of Alaska.)

Izzy is another actor whose switch from natural accent to character voice made me yell & scare the cats. Your performance as Delphine was /breathtaking/ & often really fucking unsettling. Her playing off Cyrus is some of the most horror-aligned content in the show & it rules.

Nick's take on Camren took a character that was supposed to be a fairly flat 2D bully & gave him this unexpected sweetness & vulnerability. It changed his (& the whole) story for the better. His story became one about how even the "popular" kids holding on for dear life.

Thank you to all the people who took on one- or two-off roles. Especially Daniel who reprized Mr. Sudsworth on basically no notice, & added another terrible father to Arcadia's roster, of a completely different flavor than the others.

...ok. Now I get to try to put into words how much mek & Erik's participation in this project has meant.

mek- on top of Niko being written specifically to & /for/ you, you are responsible for this show being what it is, & /how/ it is.

I'd originally planned to record this all asynch. You suggested trying to do it together over voice, & that was such a formative thing that I can't even imagine having done it another way. Niko's dialog may be largely my internal monologue, but it /always/ comes in your voice.

Your willingness to see this through with me, to record at a moment's notice, to help me sort through plotting problems, & to provide impeccable performances over, & over, & over for /four years/ has been the backbone of this show. There is no other voice I could have written for

& no other person that could have played Niko. Period. You let him be the protagonist, AND the audience stand-in POV. You let his /childishness/ shine through when it needed to, but never deprived him of agency or engagement. You showed his /growth/.

(& you pointed it out when I was losing track of his story in the others.) The fact that I can write his dialog almost without thinking is a testament to the consistency of your characterization and performance, and it's wonderful.

I would not have been brave enough to attempt something like this if you hadn't been cheering me on to try it. & I sure as hell wouldn't have kept going if you hadn't been so good at it I needed to know what was going to happen.a Thank you so, so much.

Lord, Erik how do I even /start/ yelling about you? I barely even /asked/ you when we started working on Arcadia, & now you have how many editing/sound designing credits?? The fact that you jumped in with me & said you'd figure it out as we went... I love you.

Your work on this show is so god damn good. Honestly, it /started/ good, & just got better. You produced an episode /every two weeks/ for 4 years with, what? a half-dozen delayed episodes in that /entire time/??????? And they're all /good/!!

More than that, though, you cheered me (& the show) on at every step. God knows I had more than a few crises of faith, & every time you encouraged me to keep going. You got excited about successes, & yelled right alongside me when good things happened.

I am /joyful/ getting to make things with you. Proud & grateful that you wanted to, & /keep/ wanting to. I am so damn spoiled to work with other editors, b/c you can take my "can there be a cricket tantrum here?" sound design notes and make works of art.

There literally would be no show without you. Not just because I'm not a good enough editor, but because you made the process of creating Arcadia so, so good, and fulfilling. I love you a lot. Thank you.

I'll end by saying that listening to the finale, I've realized that this story is /mine./ It's entirely wrapped up in how I think, & feel, & experience the world. Very honestly, it's a show that got made so I could listen to it.

I am thrilled & proud other people wanted to too.

Editing to add

(Fucking hell, this is what I get for copying & pasting from a Discord thread while in a zoom staff meeting.)

Rhys came in with like... 9 episodes to go, & ran away with the character such that they got written in even more so I could keep hearing them. You approached endless alliteration with absolute aplomb, & went from "maternal" to educational to fucking terrifying seemlessly.

I /also/ ended up writing more Mr. Baldwin so I could hear SJ be fucking terrifying too. The perfect god damn hateable man. But still charismatic & believable as a "community leader." ALSO the switch to Baldwin/Purchaser made me yell out loud.

I had no intention of adding characters beyond what I'd started with, but then Elliot. & Thomas. & Mr. Baldwin. & the Curator. ...hell, even the Monarch himself was an unexpected addition. I was so worried I'd end up with a Cast of Thousands that weren't needed, just b/c.

But every character (& actor!) added was such a net positive, & improved the show in very specific and direct ways that only that character (& actor!) could have done. I'm glad I took the risk. And even more glad you-all agreed to come onboard.

(Ok. that's the pre-written thread. from here on, it's off the cuff emotion. I'm sorry.)

[stabs-cake-with-salieris-dagger]

Recently I've made some interesting and surprising findings about mor that seem lesser known in the fandom (or maybe I just don't dig deep enough) Also I accidentally hit ctrl z while almost finishing up the post that I spent the past hour or so typing and it deleted most of what I've typed......... with tears I retyped everything again SIGH (resulting in me not proofreading any of this) 1. So I remember seeing somewhere that says mor has both Mozart and Salieri's compositions, which I thought it was false because it's all Mozart as far as I know. Until one day I actually looked at the credit a bit closer and found this:

This is the music that plays before victime de ma victoire. Mozart wrote fortepiano variations at 17 years old of Salieri's aria, so they really just used Mozart's version of Salieri's piece from one of his most popular operas???? It made me kind of mad but also this felt like a meta commentary considering it's associated with victime de ma victoire scene. It's a self aware song where Salieri is regretting, trying to come to terms of what he's done, and 'predicting' his failure. It serves as a commentary of the whole Mozart and Salieri matter beyond the scope of the show and ends in "J'ai perdu pour l'Histoire (I lost for history)." In this case it does feel like Salieri is being pushed aside in one of the worst possible ways, and I really wish some of his music could have made their ways into the musical properly. 2. I found a Playbill article talking about mor being in the middle of being adapted into English for Broadway in 2012...... which honestly I'm really glad it failed because I don't have faith that it'd be good. There's already the example of tdv, and the way they talk about it just doesn't seem... great, such as “bring shape and focus to the musical for American audiences” and "When the French write musicals, a lot of their songs are written like pop singles placed contiguous to each other, while on Broadway, it's necessary to have a storyline and a semblance of relationship.” Pop French musical isn't everyone's cup of tea and that's of course normal but the way it sounds like they're going to really Americanize it and rewrite it majorly and by storyline and relationship I take they mean needing musical motifs, reprises, and such. Just makes me feel they should just write a whole new musical?? And maybe it's just me but the tone sounds a little patronizing too? Though I do wish they could have released the cd and dvd in North America just because I'm Canadain lol Also curious if there was a time staging mor in Quebec would have been viable. 3. I spend too much of my time watching mor clips, but I've somehow never looked at performances pre proshot until recently. There were a few changes in the ~2 month (if my memory serves) between premiere and first proshot made to vivre a en crever that surprised me. First 2 screenshots from this video, and the rest from this one.

First of all, no handshake at on se reverra???? It's giving 2 bros chilling in the hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay

This is a little hard to see but Salieri is kneeling beside the wall as Mozart departs and it had me screaming ;; I know Laurent did kneel but I didn't know it was a thing in the French tour. This video gives a sliiiightly clearer silhouette of him kneeling but he's also blocked by Cavalieri.

Constanze running up to grab Mozart and refuse to let him go really had me by surprise and it's so heart breaking ;;;; I've been debating whether I like this better or the one that they ended up using where she just reaches out to him from the bed, because it kind of changes the tone of the scene.

Anyway thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. There's so many analysis posts I'd like to do but I simply don't have the energy to.... but if anyone wants to talk about analysis I'm more than happy to ramble lol

[read-and-write-]

2023 Fic Wrapped

Thanks to @anincompletelist for tagging me! This is such a fun thing to do!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. There are no rules!

Posted on Ao3: 34,145 (Across 14 fics)

Written total: 152,778 (yes, i do have a lot of docs created, a lot more than anyone wants to see)

3 published fandoms: Red, White and Royal Blue, All for the Game, The Shadowhunters Chronicles

Longest work: and every song reminds me of you (4,088 words)

Shortest work: yo te llevo dentro, hasta la raíz  (546 words)

very real wips, things I'm actively working on

Super Six and the Siren's Call (PJO AU- +100k) co-written with @inexplicablymine and @happiness-of-the-pursuit one of the most wonderful projects I've had the honour to be a part of and I'm so exicted for people to see it

Toe the Line (Figure Skating AU - 20k currently) my dearest child, 60 pages of outline, investigation, character sheets and visions i have at three am for a random scene 5 chapter away

Y recuerda siempre que tú eres la medicina (A bilingual June character study) A companion piece of sorts for a train of thought (of things not to forget), June's perspective through it all, both in Spanish and English like Alex's. and with Natalia Lafourcade lyrics as a title because that's June coded

carved within the beauty, the darkness in between and without (your) love, I am nothing two pieces about religion and firstprince from each of their povs, a question about loving yourself and about loving someone else against the things you've been taught and finding divinity within each other.

not so real wips with a little less real word counts but a lot of vibes

Spiderman AU, my entry for the New Years Resolutions event of @thebrownstone, which means it'll get here at some point

MasterChef AU, my way to put my professional knowledge to good use, it was a silly funny story and it grew a plot

Dancer AU, a drabble fail that was just a vision and then some people kind of made it get a full dual pov, double 5 + 1 plot

Numbers are not everything but I do like data and stats

Kudos: 3,969

Comment Threads: 187

Bookmarks: 946

Hits: 37,149

Numbers do not define an author's worth, but I also can see how far I've gotten with just one day deciding I wanted to write and post my fun little words again

top 3 sorted by kudos

las formas de llamarte amor (2.5k - 630 kudos)

my first fic in the rwrb fandom, it makes me so happy to see it being loved, it was the ultimate show of self indulgence

Henry has been a public figure for most of his life, the reason why he’s been given dozens of titles, some kinder than others, he’s been the gay prince, the spare, the prince of England's hearts, the activist, the author. All of the titles are inevitably a part of his history, but the way Alex calls him is the most important of all. Because to Alex, he is sweetheart, amor, and corazón; Alex calls him mi vida in between kisses and whispers hermoso, lindo, precioso with his wandering hands working through Henry’s body. His name sounds better when it comes out of Alex’s lips. or 5 times Alex calls Henry a pet name in Spanish and one time he calls him by his name or Henry learns Spanish one pet name at a time

to belong to a family (even beyond this world) (2.5k - 578 kudos)

this one, this one i wrote with my own soul, i used my tears as ink, wrote it for the Halloween Huh fest and it all the comments have made me so incredibly happy

“Talk to him. They listen, they always listen,” Ligia says and Henry nods, she squeezes his hand again before turning back and leaving him alone in front of the ofrenda. It's very rare that Henry has been at a loss for words when he tries to talk to his father. He has spent countless nights speaking to the stars, looking for Orion and hoping that —wherever his father is— he is looking for it too. “Hi dad,” Henry says softly, taking another look at the picture of his father, smiling at the camera. “I missed you.” or When Alex and Henry go to Mexico for Día de Muertos a familiar face appears on the Díaz ofrenda

you are an idiot (i missed you) (1.6k - 475 kudos)

wrote this on a whim, blacked out and pulled this out of nowhere, my first fic for aftg and really just an excuse to write Andreil being married for convenience™

The best, and arguably the only, good part of playing on opposing teams from your husband was getting to play a match against him. Therefore one could say that Neil was very excited about getting to play against Andrew tonight. Not only because for the first time since the season started they'd finally be in the same State and City (And later after the game, the same house) but also because Neil thought Andrew was 100% hotter when he was playing (Not that he would tell him out loud), and seeing him live was definitely better than seeing him on a screen. There was also the added bonus of the infamous Minyard - Josten Rivalry. Or Neil and Andrew are having too much fun with their rivalry until someone else takes it too seriously, and then they have a talk.

Being a not native english speaker means that fanfic does teach me a lot of stuff, namely vocabulary this year stars some bangers

Saccharine

Ubiquitous

Litany

Chagrin

Filibuster

I created a total of 19 docs, which doesn't mean there's 19 fics there, but it also doesn't not mean it

Alex's POV wins with total of seven fics

Six fics have the tag of Alex Claremont-Díaz Speaks Spanish

Three of my wips have an outline longer than 10 pages

there's a 30%? chance I will write smut at some point in the new year

my funniest doc title is "If you have religious trauma and you know it clap your hands"

This year has been crazy, for many reasons but I'm glad I found this space and I'm glad I'm back to writing, and on top of it all I'm glad of being able to meet so many because of it.

And the year is not over yet! There's still more to come!

I'm tagging a few people, don't feel pressured to do this but if there's anything you feel proud of I'd love to see it @inexplicablymine @happiness-of-the-pursuit @affectionatelyrs @littlemisskittentoes @ssmtskw @raysletters @14carrotghoul @heybuddy-drabbles @suseagull04 @everwitch-magiks @sherryvalli @rockyroadkylers

[dharmasharks]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @voylitscope, thank youuu 💙💙💙! I love reading everyone's answers because I am nosy as heck and you all are very interesting.

1.How many works do you have posted on ao3?

8.

2. What's your total ao3 wordcount?

129,639. I worked really hard to make time for all of 'em, so woop woop for passing 100k this year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

My reading habits are all over the place but for writing it's still all stucky all the time.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The more things change (Wartime, E)

Lonesome no more (Wakanda, E)

You are here (Civil War, M)

In the deepest night (Pre-war, E)

Well-worn (Pre-war 5+1, T)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely. Probably with too much enthusiasm. Posting fic is not always my favorite, but I love talking about stucky in the comments, so it balances out. Sometimes it takes me forever if I'm on a writing roll or if I have to like, work and hang with my family and stuff.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I wouldn't call them unhappy endings by any means, but both of my most kudos'd fic have a little twist of pain there at the end, just by the nature of being canon compliant and by engaging with the tragedy looming around the edges of the story. Lonesome no more probably takes the cake, though.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Till there were no more wolves in the West, my western/historical AU, has the most unequivocally happy ending I've ever written. The lows are low and the highs are high, I'd say.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no, because I'm sensitive and would probably flee to the woods. Why do this? Don't be mean!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

The big feelings, character study kind! But really, my top tags are Angst + Blow Jobs, so there you go. I like writing emotional sex in which closed off, lonely people get to (or have to!) be vulnerable and tender. I've also written non-explicit smut for You are here and Wolves in the West and like it very much, too.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't. Not to say that I wouldn't, there are just so many toys I still haven't played with yet in the MCU sandbox.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Jeez, I sure hope not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

The more things change has been translated into Russian, which is neat.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but that sounds really fun!

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

SteveBucky, Steve and Bucky, Bucky and Steve. I consume a lot of content and tip my hat appreciatively to a lot of ships, but I don't know, man. There's something about those guys. It has been years! They make me insane every day! What is that!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a pretty extensive graveyard on my gdrive and I'm pretty okay with that. If I've abandoned it, it's because it stopped being fun and if it stops being fun then it's time to work on something else. I do have a 1920s AU that I don't think I'll finish, but that's only because it morphed into something else that I like better.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterization, tension, emotions. I think I have a restrained style that works well for the kinds of quiet moments I like to write about.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Being the slowest of the slowpokes, ugh. But technically speaking, plotty stuff is hard. Dialogue also takes me a while. I think I've gotten a lot better, but sometimes I'll read something (stucky, obviously) with just the snappiest, most gut punchy exchanges and want to throw my computer out the window.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Oh gosh, that intimidates me. I've dropped one-word phrases here and there, but I only speak English fluently and would be so embarrassed if I used some google translate gibberish. (Although, apparently that's good enough for Marvel, so maybe my standards are too high.)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I had a semi-functional desktop computer in my room growing up that wasn't connected to the Internet, so the world will never know how much hurt/comfort Animorphs fic was happening in there. I also wrote a lot of original fiction for most of my young adult life. Stucky is the first fandom I ever posted stuff for, though.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Wolves in the West is my most favorite thing. I dug so deep on those characters and went so far out of my comfort zone. I quit and un-quit about 5 times. It's my favorite 'verse to hang out in when I'm washing dishes or bored in a meeting, which explains why I'm writing a porn-with-feelings addition...instead of the fic I'm supposed to be working on that has an actual deadline. (*sweats*)

Tagging in @hipsterdiva @dontcallmebree @xoxobuckybarnes @sparkagrace and anyone else who hasn't gone yet but wants to!

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary290

7/5-6/24

friday - saturday

it is done!!!!!!!!!!!

i will probably do a proper post for it tomorrow, some time, like in the noon (not that it will get any people to listen really)

but here's the linxx!

and then here's the cover art!

#so funny (if you want to see what's going on, you should probably open it up in a separate tab and look at it zoomed in to see all the junk going on)

i'm glad i did the watermarks on the pics at the bottom there, it makes it kind of look uncomfortable, or like seedy i suppose, which helps a lot w/ what the cover is aiming for.

i think basically it's as good as i could have gotten it, the cover. i do like it, i feel like maybe i could do it better, if i planned it out more, maybe it looks like a mess to anyone else, it's kind of one intentionally but i mean, maybe in a bad way it's one too.

also, on bandcamp i wrote a big-ish thing about the album as it was made, here it is:

likely in progress since october of 2022, certainly in progress since november of 2022, finally complete in july 2024. these are songs about nothing especially. this album has seen: two apartments, one move, two jobs, a cockroach infestation, a mass shooting at the neighboring school of our last apartment, my girlfriend surviving the shooting because she was in a different building and he wanted to kill teachers because he did not get a job, the most traveling i've done in my life, myriad illnesses, various canker sores, working out through being sick, not recovering sooner because i had to work out because it would upset me to not complete the ritual as i normally do, the worst sore throat of my life, an ear infection, the starting of a public diary, the maintenance of a public diary, ants on the windowsill, ants in the flour, long standing friendships growing longer, shedding of irritability, regrowth of the irritability, self disgust of varying levels and varying causes, scrubbing the floor naked, bruising my knees at the melt banana show and bruising my knees doing kneeling squats and bruising my knees doing other things, the uneasy orbit of a sleep schedule (an asteroid almost, in capture, then, crashing), several remasterings, 2 computers, an apartment that's a single room, an apartment of multiple rooms cheaply constructed, inflation, grocery store packages changing graphic design, rotten fruit, eaten fruit, my girlfriend's mother loving then hating then loving us, rabbits in grass, rabbits on concrete, bird corpses and living birds and horses in a field for the rodeo and the bulls kept across from them moaning of a captivity under moonlight, the construction and completion of the las vegas sphere (orb of prosperity), numerous nightmares about being murdered, denver colorado, kyoto, tokyo, takeshita-dori street, all the green, a place where sad old gay men convened and sang karaoke remembering their youth in old mecha anime theme songs, a fashion magazine photographer speaking in english to me (stumbling in a beautiful way) "i hope to see you again one day", arizona and the asu campus, a strange fall fair where a woman told me to hold two pumpkins to my chest so it'd be like i had breasts (she seemed supportive), the strange trump-loving foodtruck that served elote that my gf liked, my most recent live performance with thomas since 2018, my girlfriend learning korean, completion of multiple books, falling in love with foucault as i did when i first read him in college, meeting people for the first time, meeting some for the second, sleeping on a bed in chicago, loving chicago, people staring at me in public, children staring at me, wondering if children hate me because at my root there is something wrong with me and everyone except me can tell, being published in various online journals, the coming first publication of my work in print, in a journal people hold in their hands of flesh, nothing special, everything special, stretches of relative silence, all the meaningless stuff, all the stuff i don't want to tell you because i like it too much. i already gave you too much, most likely. you will not have a sense of any of this as you listen to the record. i put it here, i don't know why. this album is 32 songs, 47-ish minutes long. you can click a button on a web site to listen to it, and you will hear it. 

credits

released July 5, 2024

Girlfriend - let me live, took me places, bought me food, let me cook, let me clean. m.b. ghul + clout jesus - voiceover/narration on track 1. please read his story here:

thomas / me and my kidney - let me use his microphone and audio interface to record extra vocals on panic! at the costco and au naturale. please listen to his music here:

georges bataille - wrote the sentence which i lifted for the album title (letter to kojeve where he begins talking about unemployed negativity) thomas hardy - wrote tess of the d'urbervilles which i quote on the final song. neighbors - let me scream and didn't ever complain or call the police. hospital terrorizer - i screamed and i wrote the songs and i made the cover and stuff.

but since i am on my blog i guess i can get into more detail about the record, and i also feel like anyone who reads this / has been reading this, you have actually seen what it's been like, the hostility of the little bit of writing i did for the album isn't really pointed back here, it's not necessarily a pose it's just like, i dunno, as a thing to make, there's so much time and effort, and most of that's invisible, that's not being said in a self pitying way, it's more about how that's the case for so much music, which makes it interesting, i think.

anyway, there's one song here called 'i didn't think before i started a diary' which isn't really about this diary, i wrote that song prior to even starting this, it's about something weird you can see w/ people who do have diaries on the internet, where some people like, years after they're done being updated, things like that, or even just posts / miniature diaristic stuff, of archiving all that, when really this is more about the practice/act than an archive to reach into history with. it was also inspired by a piece of poetry by a friend though i don't know if i could even find it. it's written from the perspective of someone wanting to archive a person, and i kept thinking about that from the other side. that's really the only song i have so much to say on i think, because the others are either a little more personal or a little more obvious, there's lots of political things, the song hell baby works off of a reference to hideshi hino's hell baby, the manga where a deformed baby is thrown into a dump and she is revived by flaming ghosts and wanders back to her family and then is shunned once again. it's really tragic.

anyway i know i said i'd have more pictures from yesterday to post but i've been busy all day with trying to get everything like ready enough, some songs feel a little odd still but that just seems like how they are, it's only 2 that feel a little odd and idk, if i really hate them eventually i will just remaster them and release them together or something but they sound good to me, i think i'm caught off guard by them because there's a newness about them, because i worked on one up to the last bit here, and another was the product of an error related to a crash where the .wav came out normal but the mp3 came out strange sounding i think, so i had to go back and re export. either way both sound good/cool just unexpected to me, and i am someone who had expectations that were precise about those songs, specific things about what frequencies were blasting when and how stuff sat, and then that's just new now.

tomorrow i have to make like... 3 posts inside the internet world, to make people maybe look at my album, and then it will be entirely/totally out of my hands, it will truly be over then, that's like the advertising period i get, lol, one day.

anyway i am super super tired right now, so i will sleep,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[violet-phoenix-nebula]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

65

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

325,309

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively: primarily Supernatural

Past: MCU, Harry Potter, Twilight, Divergent, Hunger Games, House M.D.,

4. Top 5 fics by kudos:

1. Disillusioned

Twilight, Bella/Carlisle, incomplete & on indefinite hiatus

2. Common Courtesy

Captain America, Steve/Bucky

3. Love Isn't All That It Seems (I've Been Sleepwalking)

Supernatural, [ship omitted out of respect for others]

4. The More That You Say, The Less I Know

Supernatural, Castiel/Dean

5. Plants Awoke and They Slowly Grow (Beneath the Skin)

Supernatural, Castiel/Dean Winchester

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to respond to all of them, though sometimes I miss an email and it takes me forever.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Going with only completed works, I'd say it'd be one of these two:

Knives In My Heart - Divergent, Eric/Tris, MCD

They're Burning All The Witches (Even If You Aren't One) - Captain America/MCU, Steve/Bucky, rape/non-con

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh god, honestly most of my works have happy endings, and a few with more open/ambiguous endings, so really there's no way to pick one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

People seem more courteous now, but I used to all the time. I tend to add some kind of snarky iteration of "don't like, don't read" on most of my controversial ones now, but my ships have definitely gotten me hate.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, though I just call it porn. I'm in spitting distance of 30. I call it what it is. And I'd say I'm pretty good at it, overall.

10. Do you write cross-overs?

Not full on, no. I've had a crossover moment or hint before, but full crossover fics, no. I'd like to experiment with it someday, but not right now.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I'm 99% sure I have at least once, I know I've gotten at least one comment asking to. I never followed up on it though. Maybe I should.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Kind of? Though it was more a meshing of ideas and getting so much input from the other person that I credited them as a co-author, not them literally typing part of the fic.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Stucky (Steve/Bucky, Captain America/MCU) is my absolute OTP, forever and always. I have a few ships I love, but they're my #1. They're also one of, if not the only ship that's not problematic in any way, shape or form.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Sadly, most of them. I started posting chapters as soon as I wrote them and then my hyperfixation for the pairing/fandom passed, and I lost all motivation. If I ever did a multi chapter WIP again, I'd probably get most or all of it written before I started posting it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Definitely explicit material, porn, smut, whatever you want to call it. I've improved in the last few years for sure, and I know there's better than me out there, but I do pretty well.

I think I write well overall. There are some people who write and they have fantastic ideas but it just doesn't flow, and that's not a problem I've ever had.

I'm fantastic at one shots. I can write something short and sweet and tie it right up. Most of my work is under 10k.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I cannot write anything long worth a damn. My only longer works are unfinished, I completely lose steam. I currently have an AU in mind that I desperately want to write, but my history with abandoning multi chapter fics is scaring me away from starting it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I only speak English, so I don't. I used to try, until I was told that google translate sucks, so then I swapped to putting the English in italics.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh god, I have to go to FFN for this. Though before I actually joined any fanfic sites I sat down and wrote an alternate ending for the Twilight short story about Bree Tanner in a notebook, that was before I knew fanfic even existed. As far as posted works, it appears to be Hunger Games and Harry Potter.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Definitely All I Feel As I Get Closer To You, absolutely no contest. It's a Supernatural fic, Dean/Castiel set in season 10, at 9.2k words.

@aaronthe8thdemon is the only one I know for a fact writes fic regularly that I can think of off the top of my head, but I'll informally tag anyone who wants to participate.

[anxiety-banana]

Ty @royallykt and @twentyfunnybunnies for the tag!!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

103 + however many dozen nony fics

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

262,661 which is both terrifying and disappointing... I just wanna have a novel written lol

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Star Wars, Marvel, and Smosh (but all the smosh stuff is unpublished as of yet) with a past sprinkling of white collar!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

when it matters (white collar) inevitability is a stupid, stupid, thing (marvel, penny parker) if you’re so smart, tell me why are you still so afraid? (suits) (used to be anon haha) big brothers make it okay (clone wars) insert the anon fic i will not be publishing publicly

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yup! It's my one and only fic superpower lol, I really love responding to comments

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

call me what i am, call me a monster is definitely one of the angstiest endings, but I sure do write a lot of angst... it usually ends well though

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I Know, I'm Sorry (But You Can Do Better) is a very fluffy fic overall and though it's technically a one shot book, it will most certainly always end fluffy haha

8. Do you get hate on fics?

A LOT of passive aggressive hate lol, usually people telling me I wrote an arbitrary fact in a fictional world wrong, in which there's no way to really be wrong, so those are sort of fun haha. It's usually just a lot of mean corrections for things that don't need correcting (like what translation of Beowulf I used for a fic title)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope and nope. I've written like,,, one fade to black haha

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No, but I would if I had the inspo

11. Which fic are you proud of but wish had gotten a bigger response from your readers?

we know your name (but not who you are) has a special place in my heart, so I'll always wish it got more attention

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but as always, we're working on translating all my fic into legible English prose for once in my life

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I tried to with my friends Ash and Lily like two years ago and it stressed me out so bad, we reeaally should have planned better ahaha

14. What's your all-all time favorite ship?

hgnghghg Shourtney has my heart also modern Rexsoka has me in a CHOKEHOLD

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a feeling I won't finish a shot in the dark, no chaser, but I'm IN LOVE with it, so it'll live with me forever now <3

16. What are your writing strengths?

I tend to be good with prose when I get into it, and I've been told my dialogue flows very naturally

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I suck at just... very basic scene transitions. Like yes I know they just went from their house to their job but that took me three weeks to write

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I like it! I may be able to do a tiny bit of French but personally I wouldn't trust myself to haha

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Marvel, when Endgame first came out, and a BBC Merlin fic that was actually just a reader insert but I had no idea what that was

20. Favorite fic you've written?

where the hurt never mended, i see a grave that never got covered is still one of my all time favs because I wrote it in like a day and I just had so much passion put into it

Thanks again for the tag!! I've been tagging a whole lotta people recently so this is your open invitation to take this as your tag

[porcelainmortal]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you for the tags, @firenati0n and @myheartalivewrites!

How many works do you have on ao3?

Nine

What's your total ao3 word count?

72,997

What fandoms do you write for?

Red White & Royal Blue ❤️🤍💙

Top five fics by kudos:

it happened on a lake

handy for a handyman

a brit in brooklyn

when the curtains call the time

falling in a 5+1

The way that my handyman!alex series tapers off in kudos highlights how many people read the first part but have yet to read the rest!!

Do you respond to comments?

Yes, I try to respond to all of them! I appreciate that people took the time to comment, so I like to take the time to let them know it.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None, happy endings only for my boys. 😁 Technically, being enough ends on a bit of an angsty note, but it's just a short snapshot of a moment in their lives, so it's not really the end of the story.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

They all have happy endings, but it happened on a lake looks into the future, so we get to see where they will end up. (Also there may be another chapter coming of this but shhh you didn't hear that from me.)

Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. I did get one comment on my angsty multi-chap that said Henry was pathetic. I thought that was mean, he's just Henry going through a hard time. And one comment on another fic that pointed out an editing mistake (which I appreciated) but then didn't comment on the fic at all. Like... is that all you took away from this? 😢

Do you write smut?

Yes. I sure do. 😆

Craziest crossover:

It's not technically a crossover, but it's also not *not* a crossover; the song of alex & henry has FirstPrince discussing The Song of Achilles and the similarities between them.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, not yet. But I'd be open to it!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I don't know how good I'd be at that. But it happened on a lake exists entirely because of @rmd-writes.

All time favorite ship?

Alex & Henry, hands down.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't know if I could completely abandon a WIP. I have some fic ideas that I have written a couple of paragraphs for that might not get fully written, but I don't consider those to be WIPs. They are really just slightly fleshed-out ideas.

What are your writing strengths?

I have surprised myself with my ability to write sexy, flirty banter. I think I learned from reading all the best fic writer over and over again. When I am writing Alex and Henry, it just flows so easily. I feel like conversation in general is fairly easy to write; sometimes I have to force myself to add in some exposition.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I am not good at world-building. I don't have a ton of patience for setting a scene or explaining things. I want to get better at those things, so I was thinking of challenging myself to write a fantasy au or a historical au. I'm just so afraid of getting the details wrong. As a perfectionist, it can be hard to work past those things that make me uncomfortable.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I love to read it - and thank goodness for Google Translate - but I haven't written any because I don't speak any other languages besides English. I am learning French so I might throw some of that in eventually, but if any native Spanish speakers want to offer their services so I can throw some of that in for Alex, please let me know!

First fandom you wrote in?

Twilight, when I was 21. Don't judge me. 😅

Favorite fic you've written?

Ah, I don't know! They all have such a special place in my heart. But honestly, my handyman!alex series has been incredibly gratifying. Not just writing it, but the comments that I've gotten on it.

That said, the Big Sad fic that is still a WIP is going to be something special, I think.

No-pressure tags for @cha-melodius @iboatedhere @orchidscript @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise

And whoever else wants to play!

[luthien-under-bough]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Tagged by @girlwithakiwi

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

97! I am scratching and clawing my way toward 100 this year.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

537,646 *probably at least 400k of that is Daemyra

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Almost exclusively House of the Dragon/ASOIAF since HOTD s1 aired and Daemyra consumed my life.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

i got a bad desire (baby i'm on fire) - Daemyra modern AU multi-chapter (WIP)

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you  - Daemyra modern AU multi-chapter (complete)

better not touch (i want it too much) - Daemyra modern AU multi-chapter (complete)

...anyone noticing a theme? 👀

I found some hate for you, just for show - Daemyra canon divergence oneshot

do you feel the hunger? - Daemyra canon divergence oneshot

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to all of them! Sometimes I get behind, but I usually get to them by the time I post a new chapter, at least.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhh probably i've looked at clouds from both sides now. Even though only one of the major characters dies, it somehow still feels angstier than the literal necrophilia fic where they both die.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like most of my other fics have a happy ending? Both of the completed multi-chaps I linked above definitely do.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I occasionally get a rude comment, but I have no qualms about being a dick or just deleting/blocking. I have gotten a few tumblr anons that made me roll my eyes, but any hate I get has been firmly a THEM problem and not a ME problem. Haters stay pressed. 💅

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It's a rare day when I do not write smut. I write all kinds. Since writing in the Daemyra fandom, my list of "hard no's" when it comes to writing has rapidly diminished; it seems like every other day I discover a new kink that makes my brain do a record-scratch. I started writing fic again in 2020, and published baby's first smut shortly thereafter, but it was fairly standard stuff. Now I'm like "well if you aren't literally digesting your lover, is it really romance??!"

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

The only crossover I've written is a House of the Dragon/Naked Attraction crackfic that infected my brain during the depths of binge of the latter show.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Only one that I know of - someone copy/pasted all of do you really feel alive without me into different chapters of their ""fic"".

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

for our blood is restless was translated into Russian here.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. My writing process is chaotic and inconsistent and I would not inflict that on another writer. I'm also very particular about what I do and do not want to write, as well as my prose, so I don't think co-writing is for me. If we don't like to break the rules of English grammar in the exact same way, I'm afraid we won't be able to get along.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I mean, I think it's pretty obvious. 😅 Daemon Targaryen/Rhaenyra Targaryen (House of the Dragon) has only been my OTP for <2 years, but they are already my all time favorite. Prior to that, it was Dramione (Harry Potter), Cullen Rutherford/Female Inquisitor (Dragon Age: Inquisition), and Aloy/Avad (Horizon Zero Dawn).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Not technically a single WIP, but I always meant to add more stories to my collection of Cullen/Inquisitor Dragon Age fics (most of which I posted during Swoon June 2022). It's possible I'll experience another burst of inspo for that fandom when Dragon Age: Dreadwolf finally comes out, but I'm pretty firmly entrenched in Daemyra for the foreseeable future.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, characterization, ANGST. I think my smut is pretty hot. Idk I generally like everything about my writing. That's why I keep doing it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Uhhh anything to do with plotting or planning. We thrive on vibes here. ✌️

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Beyond the occasional word or phrase in High Valyrian for my HOTD/ASOIAF fics, I cannot be bothered. Italics and a dialogue tag do me just fine.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

This changes semi-regularly, but my current favorite is one that I'm actively writing - a Daemyra early marriage canon divergence (milk teeth). Also because I just re-read this the other night - surrender (a rare non-Daemyra HOTD fic).

No pressure tags: @anamazingangie, @ar-feyniel, @grandlovescheme, @crimson-tulip, @bluegoldrose

[papillon82fluttersby]

Famous Five Art Nostalgia - What's next?

Last week, I posted the illustrations from the last book in the series. Does it mean that this series of posts is over? Nope! I have several ways in which I can keep these going.

First off, I've been working on the "publishing overview" I mentioned once, to give a comprehensive view of the various Famous Five editions in France (and French-speaking Switzerland). I'm hoping to post it in the course of the week or next Sunday.

Secondly:

😼

That's right, the illustrations posts are not over yet! After visiting several neighbouring flea-markets and combing second-hand bookshops and retail sites, I have gotten hold of pretty much all of the books I was missing and actively looking for. I'm still missing #05 Five Go Off in a Caravan / C5 et les saltimbanques illustrated by Nonna - I do have a lead but it's rather more expensive than what I'd like to spend on it and I'm still undecided if I'll cave for completion's sake. Also missing from the above picture is one book that I ordered but is currently stuck in one of the transporter's logistic sites. 😬 Cross your fingers for me that it will get unstuck soon! 🤞

I updated the Masterpost with the upcoming posts so you can see what's in store (mostly Sidobre)!

Third, did you know that the original 21 books written by Blyton were not the full story? Well, not quite. After Blyton's passing in 1968, and due to series' being wildly popular in France at the time, one of the translators of the series, Claude Voilier, wrote an additional 24 books! Most of them were in turn translated into English but, as I understand, they were never as popular as the original series - which is perfectly understandable. Admittedly they're not quite as good as the original series but it's a continuation with our beloved characters anyway!

Following my touring of flea-markets and second-hand resources, I now have a copy of these additional 24 books and you can expect a post detailing each of their respective plots and related illustrations. I read less than half of this second series when I was a child, so the rest will be a discovery for me too!

And fourth, I noticed that some scenes from the original series were particularly popular among illustrators and I thought it would be interesting to gather the different views of a specific scene in one post. Same thing with character portraits, I could do a post showing the various depictions of some of the supporting characters.

If you have other ideas of what I could do, please let me know! The only think I'm vetoing beforehand is a detailed analysis of the translations because that would be much too time-consuming. But I'd be willing to make such an analysis on a specific scene or chapter if you're interested. Again, please let me know!

So, here are my plans and I hope you'll come along with me in furthering this adventure ☺️

Last thing: I recently updated several of the past posts with better-resolution images of some of the cover art, so go back and have a look if you'd like! 👀

[smblmn]

5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

Tagged by @blackandwhiteandrose and @lizzie-bennetdarcy, thank you so much, lovelies 💖😘

5 works (in no particular order):

Right in the doorway I love soulmates AUs so I thought about writing one where the lines are not clear enough and there's a lot left to chance. I really like how it turned out.

Just because you like to wander, that doesn't mean you don't know the way I loved the prompt for the Frozen Over fest so much that I ended up writing this fic instead of the one I had planned to write. Hallmark vibes and the Brewers being supportive (and meddling too). I had soooo much fun writing it.

In the eyes of the beholder I like the idea of the experiment this fic is based on very much, and since I watched the campaign when it aired I kept thinking about using it for a fic. University students David and Patrick fit in the role very well. I love Artist!David and I thought it would be cute for Patrick and him to meet like that.

On the Outside Looking Through The fic that started my venture into posting. I haven't reread it entirely since I posted it and I know I'd change the way some parts are written, but I'm still very proud of writing more than 50k words in like 2 months.

Breathe again I know it's very short but I also wrote it SO fast... and it wasn't one of those things I write and when I reread I have to rewrite entirely, inspiration struck in a way I wish it would strike again.

4 wips

These are among the ones I want to finish for sure:

green card marriage

Patrick got married to Rachel and is on the process of divorcing her when he moves to SC and guess who he meets?

Patrick buys a house on Schitt's Creek that used to be Moira's childhood home

A Russian Doll AU that probably only interests me but I can't let go of

3 improvements in my writing

This is a hard question but I'll try:

I think I've gotten better at not rushing the plot and take the time the story needs

Punctuation. Though If I've gotten any better at it is thanks to my betas

This is an ongoing task, but I think everyday I get a little bit better at thinking and writing directly in english and not just translating what I want to say

2 writing resolutions

Not caring so much about numbers and validation. I've already gotten better at this but it's still difficult sometimes.

Taking more time with my writing. I'm very anxious and when I feel like I've finished something I want to post it immediately, which leads to finding things I'd change once something is already published.

Number 1 favorite line

From Right in the doorway. At least two people told me my Moira voice was very good, and I take that as the biggest compliment because I find her to be very difficult to write. And I love that sentence.

“You and I are very similar, darling. Sensitive hearts swaddled under layers of beautiful things. I know you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it’s time for you to put an end to it.” She looks over his shoulder and David turns to see Patrick finally getting closer to them. Before he reaches them, though, Moira squeezes David’s arm, getting him to focus on her once again and delivering her coup de grâce: “The other shoe is unerringly secured in your lover’s confident foot.”

Tagging: @wordthieve @surrealsunday @jamilas-pen @alysiswriting @sspaz1000 @rosedavid @carolrain @dinnfameron @distractivate and anyone who wants to participate!

[notmaplemable]

I’d love to hear about your fics and your process as a writer.

How long have you been writing, did you do any fics before RWBY, and do you feel like your writing has evolved over time?

Well, I first started doing creative writing outside of English assignments during my Junior year of HS (11th grade), which would have been 2017/18. But I didn't start with fan fiction. I've written a full 92kish fantasy novel.

Which I wrote on and off from 2017 to very early 2020. And it's terrible. Which, it was my first attempt at long form writing, so it was going to be terrible no matter what. But it was the best I could do at the time and I certainly wouldn't be as skilled as I am now, which still isn't very skilled, if I didn't write it. So you gotta take the good with the bad.

And no, I will never ever ever ever release that document to the public. You people deserve better than that.

Then I didn't really write anything at all from March of 2020 to around this time last year. Why? To make a long story short, medical problems. I had to be rushed to the ER in March of that year, I've spend several days in the hospital since then, I almost had to drop out of college at one point, and I had my last surgery towards the end of August last year.

I actually wrote my first post here, It Worked For Mom, while I was recovering from surgery. So there's a bit of a fun fact for this blog.

I started maybe 5 or 6 Fallout and Dragonball fics while I was in HS that never made it past the first chapter. That I also never published.

I wrote my first RWBY fic around the end of May last year. Rosa Aurum which means Rose Gold in Latin, and yes it was Lancaster. I've been on that train since day 1. Which was sort of my spiritual successor to Beacon Beckons if you've ever read that fic.

I didn't even finish the first chapter for that one.

My second attempt at a fic was actually Lancatster (Jaune x Ruby x Blake) but I can't find the file anymore. And I don't remember the name, but I do remember making it to chapter 2 with the one. So, progress.

------

Now, with everything I wrote from High School to the fic before Ghosts of Summer I had a pretty thorough outline. I fact, it'd say the I probably over planned. The outline document for my novel is about 37k words itself. Which considering the finished novel is a little over 90k, having your outline be 1/3 the size of the finished project is just absurd.

And I tried to use that same method for those first 2 fics that never went anywhere. Safe to say, didn't really work out.

With Ghosts of Summer, which is the first fic I've published and the first that's really made it very far, I've kind of just used the Tumblr version as a rough outline. Which is also what I've done with Ginger Whisper and Arc-Noire and will do with my other series most likely.

So, I've gone from a hardcore planner to a kind of a middle ground between planning and pantsing.

So I guess you can say my planning method now is to throw ideas at you people, see the reaction and if there's any feedback, and see if I like the idea in practice as much as I like it in theory. Which helps me decide if I want to pursue that idea in the novelization or not.

I've recently started giving myself a minimum amount of words to write in a day. 1k words a day. So, actively tracking the amount I write a day has helped me quite a bit in writing consistently. Instead of kind of just waiting for inspiration and hoping that carries me along.

Which is how I've managed to write four 5k+ chapters of three different fics over the past month and change. And I do plan on being much more consistent on the front in the future.

------

As for how my writing has evolved over time. Well, I think my dialogue has gotten a lot better. As well as my prose and writing in general has gotten a lot easier over time.

I'm still terrible with plots. And I'm absolutely terrible with writing body language. So, I think I tend to rely a little bit too much on showing over telling on that front.

I do think I've gotten better overall in the last few months. I think most of that just comes from consistently writing and practice does make perfect. And the fact that I've had the opportunity to work with other wonderful writers on here really had helped too.

But, there's still a lot for me to improve on and I'm going to work hard to continue improving my writing. I do eventually want to be published, so I have a long way to go.

One interesting thing though is that I don't really have any more anxiety when it comes to writing or posting my writing. Not really sure why though.

------

I'm happy to answer any more questions you might have.

[crow-caller]

ive been writing book reveiws for a while, just for me. like, i have a whole file full of docs about books ive liked, hated, or a bit of both. And I want to post them because i find them interesting, but im very nervous that I'll say something wrong or just ramble and sound stupid. You seem very put together though, did you have the same anxieties? if so, how did you overcome them?

(sorry if this is poorly written english is not my first language)

It's nice to know I seem put together, because I'm actually a huge mess and very sloppy!

Book reviews are very fun to write. I love the feeling of finishing a book and thinking about how I'll write up my thoughts. I've gotten better and developed more of a style over time too.

The first thing is to get a blog for it. I'd really recommend wordpress- I cross post here, but tumblr itself isn't a great format for a review blog. I'd also say crosspost to Goodreads/Storygraph. What helps with the anxiety of posting reviews is the fact you'll probably get only a few views. This sounds discouraging but can be a big plus. After having my blog casually for like 4 years and having over 100 (huh??) reviews, my total viewcount was still only a few thousand, like 2k a year. This was enough that friends were reading it and random internet people were, which was nice, but not so high I could panic I was going to get cyberbullied.

Posting a review and getting up to 50 views? That's 50 people who maybe read my review, baby! That's actually nice. That gives space to post reviews and feel confident doing so- getting a bit of positive feedback and feeling rewarded for writing the review, but also plenty of space to get better and improve at review writing. It's a small confidence boost that can encourage you to just keep writing.

I have quite bad anxiety- used to be worse- so I think about my reviews a lot. I also used to be worse at reviews, so I think about my old reviews a lot. The thing is, the best way to improve your writing is to keep writing. Find your own voice and system for it. And reread it! I reread my own reviews every so often to refresh my memory or for fun, and that really helps. Hindsight means I can see where I WISH I'd expanded on something more, phrased it better, or rambled. It's okay to ramble or be informal- I am- but if you're worried you do it too much, ask someone else for their thoughts or try using a structure. My reviews were all over the place until I started using sections like "Plot", "Characters", "Moon Squid Hell"!

Book reviewing is not something that is generally a high octane high fame thing. it's one of my precious hobbies I genuinely love, and if you've been writing reviews only for yourself, you obviously like it too! It'll only get a lot of attention if you're lucky, if you cover the right books, if you're even more lucky... but the reward of just getting to talk about something you read and put your thoughts down is fantastic. I wrote reviews for myself, but I found out by sharing them my friends liked them too, and so the biggest high of finishing a book and review was getting to post it in the group chat and seeing reactions. I really think the feeling of accomplishment for your work will best your anxiety, and rather than be discouraged if you don't get thousands of views immediately, having few views can actually beat your anxiety.

Hope that helps!

[thatgoblin]

In Which Emery Sees Discourse and Does a Deep Dive on Resident Evil 4 (SPOILERS)

So, the whole reason this is eating at my brain is because of the back and forth that I've seen over 'Is Resident Evil 4 Leon Misogynistic?'

It never really crossed my mind that it was to the point that I would change my mind about how much I liked it. In fact I never thought that about any of the main characters being particularly misogynistic. The concept sounded foreign to me because I had grown up with these games. I was 7 when the first game came out and was thrilled to see a badass like Jill as a playable character. (I had no business playing those games, but not the point.)

I was equally as thrilled to see Claire Redfield appear in RE 2 and to see Jill come back for RE 3. I never got the chance to play Code Veronica, but I did recently watch a play through of it and wish I had gotten to play it. The last RE game I was able to play was RE 4 on GameCube.

My older brother had owned the games and I wasn't able to really make saves so only when he was away could I get a chance to have a whack at the game. Which meant trying to play through it all in a weekend. RE 4 came out in 2005, I was 16 at the time and liked playing those games along with Mario and Spyro and Blood Rayne.

At that time, media was pretty weird with feminism. Since I grew up in the 90's there were always plenty of badass females for me to follow, even if they weren't as butch as I would have liked them to be. Girl Power was poked fun at a lot, not taken very seriously, but a lot of my childhood heroes always made a point to say girls are awesome and can do anything they want just like boys or even better than boys.

What does that have to do with RE 4 Leon being misogynistic though?

Well, let's take a look at the year that the game came out. It was released in January of 2005 exclusively for GameCube. It was at the end of the year that Capcom added Playstation 2 to it's playable consoles. That means it was years in the making by the time it was released, approximately 3 years of work. For simplification, it was started in January of 2002.

Any media at the time would have definitely been an influence on the creation of the story.

Still doesn't explain if Leon is a dirty misogynist or not.

I'm getting there.

The writer of the game itself was Shinji Mikami who also was the director of the original Resident Evil, helped produced Resident Evil 2, 3, and Code Veronica, was an advisor for Resident Evil Gaiden, directed the Remake of the original, was an executive producer for Resident Evil Zero, and wrote/directed Resident Evil 4.

Mikami wrote the script that would be later translated by Shinsaku Ohara into English. There of course would be changes because of cultural differences. While the Japanese version is written as a serious piece, the English version isn't. Something else that isn't in the Japanese script is the blatant anti-American-ese of basically everyone in the game not American.

For the English translation that's not surprising as The Twin Tower attacks in New York had happened very, VERY recently in time frame of this game being made, about 6 months give or take. It was a time where toxic patriotism was running rampant and all the bad guys had to be anti-American even if they were American themselves. The American media pushed this one ideal of a while, male hero hardcore. While there were still other shows/movies/books/etc. that featured POC leads and female leads, the hero was mostly a white guy.

But, does that make someone misogynistic?

Not necessarily.

Misogyny by definition is a dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.

There's also such a thing as passive misogyny, the 'here let me help you with that little girl' type. It's not aggressive or violent, but puts women down.

Which is in a lot of Japanese media. It's not being mean or harassing, but creating this set of rules that women/girls are fragile and need to be cared for by men. Even the most stubborn female leads need a man to help them. A lot of the shows that I enjoy have this in it.

Ouran High School Host Club is a good example of it. While Haruhi is supposed to be 'one of the guys' Tamaki constantly chastises her for not asking for help because she is a girl. The tone and the wording and the music make it out to be a sweet, caring gesture, but at the end of the day, Tamaki doesn't think Haruhi can take care of herself. He's always rushing in to rescue her even when she doesn't ask for it or even necessarily need it. The entire host club does this, but it's treated as romantic.

And guess what year it was created? 2002. Originally a manga, it was translated into English and then made into an Anime shortly after in 2006 while the manga was still being published.

That's nice and lovely information, but what about LEON?

I am finally there! I promise!

So, let's go over the events as a whole for RE 4 now that I've explained the era that it was made, the background, as well as who helped create it.

In short RE 4 is about STRATCOM agent Leon S. Kennedy, one of the few survivors of the Raccoon City outbreak, is sent on a mission to protect the president and his family. Before he starts, Ashley Graham, the president's daughter, is kidnapped. Leon sets off to find and rescue her with the help of fellow STRATCOM agent Ingrid Hunnigan as his eye in the sky and handler. His leads take him to Spain where he finds a cult called Los Iluminados who kidnapped Ashley to infect her with Lost Plagues. The plan was to send her back to the President to spread the cult leader's, Prophet Saddler, powers.

Leon runs into Ada Wong and Jack Krauser his ex-partner whom he thought was dead, but really had been infected by Wesker who wanted a sample of the parasite. Lots of running around, losing Ashley, getting Ashley back, sparring with Ada, 'flirting' with Ada, and fighting Krauser, all to end with Ada getting the parasite sample as the now healthy and parasite free duo of Leon and Ashley ride off into the sunset on a jet ski.

The lines are cheesy and fun, the game play is awesome, Leon's legs are a character of their own, an all around good game.

I actually went back to look at the lines of the characters to see what could possibly have set people off on whether or not Leon is a misogynist.

For the first hour or so of the game, it was just the story not the full game paly, I honestly didn't see a lot. There was one quip with Hunnigan about 'being lonely' because she was worried about Leon after he hadn't responded for six hours, but it was oddly placed and not even acknowledged. It also wasn't very targeted in my opinion. As in it was specifically meant to be a slight at a woman. You could have Hunnigan be a man and that line would still be awkward, but still just a sarcastic remark that's quickly dropped.

The other instance was after rescuing Ashley and she and Leon are running from the church, there's an area that has ladders that the player would climb up and down. If you knock down a ladder and put it back up as Ashley stands at the edge, she'll yell at Leon for being a perv as he puts the ladder back up. Apparently because he's looking up her skirt? Except he doesn't.

The next bit of the game, Leon is caring and concerned for Ashley. He's not making random one liners that would suggest he didn't like her or thought she was a burden or annoying. He reassures her that he'll get her home and he'll make sure she doesn't turn into one of them. After she's captured he has to find a way to get her free again, running into Ada Wong.

This is where I can see people getting an impression of Leon being less than thrilled with women. Except it's aimed at just one woman, Ada. Ada's character is very independent and very self serving. She doesn't care about people as a whole, but has a soft spot for Leon. He knows this, but it doesn't make them friends. It's written to have them be mirror images of each other. Ada on the 'bad side' and Leon on the 'good side.'

His line of 'Sorry, but follow a lady's lead just isn't my style,' isn't a jab at women. It's a jab at Ada. They didn't leave on good terms and he knows she's not there to be the hero. Leon understands Ada will always have another agenda, one that earns her money, and he doesn't think for a second that she cares more about him than that. She's someone who can't handle being in a regular relationship or have any type of constraints.

A lot of people get upset at the pairing of Ada and Leon because it's toxic, but that's the point. The end game with those two isn't happily ever after, it's the continual clashing of Leon sacrificing himself for the greater good and Ada looking out for Ada. I personally enjoy this because it's not done often, Batman/Catwoman comes to mind, but those two do eventually get together. It also makes things interesting and not in a 'will they or won't they' trope. They never will in cannon and that's okay.

In this scene in this moment, Leon isn't being prejudice or looking down on women, he's dealing with a specific woman who has hurt him and used him and left him with complicated feelings. If someone came out of the woodwork after doing something similar to you, you wouldn't exactly be pleased to see them. While he may make small jabs at her, Leon does care because that's who Leon is. He cares about people, even the ones who betray him.

Fast forward some more and Leon gets Ashley back. They have a small moment of hugging where Ashley actually starts to apologize for making this hard and running away, but Leon doesn't let her. He knows she has nothing to apologize for. She's a scared kid, 20, who was not prepared for something like this AT ALL. He's been through hell and hates that someone else has to go through it too and that someone isn't equipped to handle it in the least.

Ashley is captured again. (Pretty sure there was a damsel in distress kink happening here, but that's my opinion >.> )

More of Leon trying to save Ashley, we see Saddler order Krauser to get Ashley and deal with Leon, then Ada shows back up again with the speed boat to get to the island where Ashley is being held. As they get near it, in true Ada fashion, she takes off like Spiderman with a grappling hook while sending the boat, STILL GOING FULL SPEED WITH LEON IN IT, towards the cliffs.

Cue my gif at the top.

Leon manages to keep from dying and stops the boat in time with a sigh of relief and a tired 'Women.'

It's not really meant for his disdain of women in general, it's aimed at Ada. Ya know, cause she kinda almost killed him. It's not meant as a 'all women are the same and complicated,' type of response. In the late 90's to mid 2000's it was a pretty common thing to heave a heavy sigh and say 'men/women' after a particularly troublesome encounter with that gender. It's not meant as a generalization, but as a response to that particular person in the situation.

Ada also isn't helping too much and sending him towards jagged cliffs and break neck speeds would warrant a heavy sigh and grumble.

Once he has rescued Ashley, again, they run to escape down a garbage chute that Ashley refuses to go down.

She gives a very Valley Girl 'No way!' to which Leon gives his surfer dude 'Way.' before dragging her down the chute with him.

She screams as they go down and both land unharmed. She yells at him about being crazy because they could have gotten really hurt, he says 'I'd knew you'd be fine if you landed on your butt.'

She get's huffy at him and follows him out.

That's a pretty standard way of flirting in media at that point in time. Up class girl with down town boy trope where he makes a 'sexual joke' about her and she gets upset or pretends to. This one isn't really even that deep. Leon's making a joke and possibly doing a bit a flirting. He's gotten used to her being herself and is even trying to lighten the mood.

ONCE MORE WITH FEELING ASHLEY IS KIDNAPPED BY SADDLER!

Girl can't catch a break.

Then we go through Leon fighting Krauser the first time, Ada coming in to talk, Leon running off to fight Krauser for the 2nd time, Mike the helichoopy pilot making a brave effort before getting blown up. Saddler leaves with Ashley to another part of the island.

Ada shows up again and under the control of the parasite in him, Leon attacks her. He tries to strangle her before she stabs him in the leg and he's able to regain control of himself. He and Ada team up/split up to find Ashley to get rid of the parasites in them. Leon finds Ashley with Saddler, he goes to rescue her as Ada shows up to offer cover fire.

Leon takes Ashley to the machine they need to get rid of the parasite, they take turns in it and make a run for where they need to go to get off the island. They get to the FINAL BOSS stage where Saddler has Ada tied up. He does his big boss speech, Leon frees Ada, kills Saddler, and then just like in RE 2, Ada takes the parasite sample and leaves Leon.

She does toss him a teddy bear keychain with a jet ski key on it though as a means of escape. Leon grabs Ashley and runs for the jet ski where he tells her 'Hang on, Sweetheart!' before zipping out of the pip they're in and out into the ocean. Ashley falls off, but Leon quickly scoops her up and they're heading back home.

Ashley casually asks if Leon wants to go back to her place for some overtime and Leon chuckles and says sorry.

She asks who Ada is and he explains she's a part of himself that he can't let go and they leave it as that as they ride into the sunset.

There's an epilogue as well where Hunnigan is able to get back in touch with Leon. She's relieved that the line is jack free, he makes a comment about how she's not wearing glasses and confirms he rescued Ashley and is on his way home. She's glad to hear that then Leon says she looks cute without her glasses and asks if he can have her number when he gets back. Hunnigan gives him a sigh and reminds him he's on duty to which he replies 'story of my life.'

The epilogue was kind of odd, but also funny and cute. It's not really calling Leon a ladies man or making him look like one. Again, it's Leon trying to forget about the shit he just went through and if he could get a date or something a pretty girl why not?

Also, I'm pretty sure he said no to Ashley because 1. Presdent's daughter. 2. Her father ordered Raccoon City nuked. 3. He doesn't have that kind of chemistry with her.

So, to say if Leon is indeed a horrible misogynist is not true. He's not written like that at all. To argue so would mean you either didn't play the game, took things out of context, or didn't understand the media from that time period. Also, to argue that he's a perfect little bean isn't okay either. Leon has flaws and flawed characters make for good stories.

Going over the script, which I will link, and seeing what instances may cause that speculation or opinion, there really isn't anything to back it up. He's not even in passive misogynist territory really. He's kinda flirty, but he's never inappropriate or makes comments about women in general and each time it looks like he is, it's taken out of context. Put back into context, it makes a lot more sense and clears things up.

At the end of the day RE 4 Leon just reads like a tired guy that wants to keep people safe, do his job, and maybe get some dinner with a cutie.

I dub RE 4 Leon NOT misogynistic.

At the end of the day, things are not black and white. While Leon was not misogynistic, some characters were and were written that way on purpose, I.E. Luis, who would comment on Ashley's body a lot in the game. That extends to all media. There's shades of misogyny everywhere and while it's not the best, it's not the worst either. We've come a long way from where women weren't even allowed to be in theater to where queer female representation is starting to get more and more wider and in depth.

The Resident Evil games aren't perfect in representation, with only two or so POC characters that are a lead and the rest white as starters, it doesn't mean the whole thing is bad.

To say the whole thing is bad and unredeemable because of a few parts isn't healthy. Not everything is going to be the most inclusive, feministic, master piece, and that's okay. You don't have to make a stand and say 'I would never consume this media!' and also you don't have to force people to like it.

The whole discourse about whether or not Leon is misogynist is pretty new to me, considering the fact that the game came out in 2005. Media from the past isn't going to be the best and people need to understand that. I still watch shows where POC actors would never be featured or gay people were punch lines. I watch them because I like them and they make me nostalgic. Resident Evil makes me nostalgic as well because I grew up with it.

I'm always going to have a soft spot for this franchise and while people will make wide assumptions about it or take things out of context knowingly or unknowingly, I'm not going to let that ruin things for me. The same for if people disagree with me entirely on this. Discourse can be healthy because it makes people think, but when it gets out of hand and sides are taken in a black and white state then it gets toxic. You can agree or disagree on things, but you should also make informed decisions for yourself. Making it a big deal of picking who you agree with or don't to the point of being rude and hateful to one another doesn't make you sound like you have all the information let alone know what you're talking about.

Get the facts, look them over, take time to study them, then engage.

After all, at the end of the day, even though it is my special interest and I adore it, Resident Evil is just a game and there are much bigger things to worry about.

Take it from your local, 32 year old goblin, this isn't a hill to die on. Now go drink some water and have a snack and if it's that time for you, get some fucking sleep.

[hungerpunch]

TW parent death.

.

.

im here from your griefblogging. i really hope this doesnt trigger you, feel free to discard it without reading if it's too invasive or just because. f you decide not to respond to this, could you maybe post a "hey griefanon, im not gonna answer/post my answer" or something similar, just so i know its not buried in the depths of your imbox?

i've stumbled upon a post of yours in which you describe your dad, the ways you remember him, the good memories, his caring traits and behaviours, along with the worst.

why am i writing this? because my dad passed away when i was 7 which is the age of realising that your parents are also just two people, with their own worlds before you were a part of theirs. so i never really managed to actually know him as a person. im now 22. im always the only person who does not have a living set of parents, wherever i go.

another thing is that even though I am a girl, i was always told by his siblings and by my mum how much i resemble him. how i express anger the same he did. how i got his sense of humor. i wonder often if its true. what he was like, would be like. if the preferred this music or that one, how he started his day, what color he liked. i only remember his medical history and watching the paramedics use the defibrillator on him, right on the floor of our living room. i remember watching his symptoms not knowing what they mean and are. and the things you wrote about your dad, the storytelling, the over-the-top praising of cooking simple meals, him helping people for free, all the "signs" of the fact that he was a presence in your life really touched me. made me feel bitter and jealous, yet they consoled me. im happy for you because of all the good that you remember about him (im not trying to erase all the bad stuff, english is not my first language and the words can be clumsy).

and sometimes i wonder: is it better to lose a parent so early, before you could understand how much youre losing? is it better to have a parent who is alive, yet they are a horrible person you have had no contact with, but with whom you could theoretically meet and try and build a connection later on? what are your thoughts on it?

hey, sweetheart. since tumblr doesn’t offer a way for me to truncate the ask portion of a message, i’m going to stick my whole answer under a cut here. it got long but i hope it gives you something that you need xo

first of all, i just want to say thank you for sharing with me. it’s really hard and often completely inexplicable & incongruous when you feel the impulse to reach out or open up. my therapist has been trying to get me to grief support groups for two years now, and i just can’t do it, no matter how nice the idea of a community that i don’t need to explain anything to seems. so i’m sending you very big hugs for that alone.

secondly, believe it or not, i think about this all the time. previously, i thought about it in terms of separation/divorce. my parents separated when i was an adult, and i constantly wondered about whether it would have been easier to have them divorce when i was a child. the same sort of curiosity transferred over to death when my dad passed. i think it’s a completely natural thing to ponder. i also wonder constantly if it would have been easier if i had gotten to say goodbye to him before he died, and i yearn for that type of closure. my spouse got to say goodbye to their grandmother before she passed; looked her in the eye and held her hand and everything. i find myself extremely jealous of that, because i’ve never gotten to do that with any of the family members i’ve lost (quite a few). on the other hand, my partner had to endure the hellish experience of spending days in the hospital first, and then weeks in hospice, waiting for her to go. she died eventually on christmas day. i’m not sure what’s more traumatizing.

the truth is that i don’t know that there is one easier way or one less traumatizing way than another. i think all variations have benefits and all variations have detriments. one of my best friends often tells me she’s happy her parents divorced when she was three, when we talk about our situations, rather than have my experience of dealing with it as an adult. but that can’t be broadly or generically applied. it all comes down to so many factors… including what kind of relationship your parents had with one another, with you, what kind of people they are or were, even. regarding death, there are even more factors. the manner of death, the last time you saw them, the distance (geographical and emotional) between you… so many. too many to list.

someone can always lose someone at a younger age, in a more graphic way, at a less ideal time than you. but grief is grief. you can drown in a puddle as well as you can drown in a swimming pool, or the ocean. as much as it’s all different, it’s also the same. the impact is the same.

my heart hurts for you that you did not get time to understand your father as an independent person. honestly, some people don’t ever have that reckoning even if their parent lives til old age. but losing a parent or guardian before you even really understand death certainly will leave a hole in your heart, as you grow, as you wonder about who you came from and who shaped you. at 22, i’m sure you’ve been given a lot of advice and tried many things, so i don’t want to sound prescriptive or redundant.

but i do think that you can make your own type of relationship to the memory of your dad using other input. questions for his relatives like: what colors did he seem to prefer? which ones did he wear a lot? what was his favorite meal? was he a class clown in school? did he prefer a certain season? do you know if he ever attended any concerts? do you know if he had a favorite band? did he have a music collection–vinyls or tapes or CDs–that i can look through? or that you can tell me about?

none of this information will give your dad back to you. and none of it will feel the same as a firsthand relationship. but it is information. if you can figure out some of these answers, you can try them for yourself. my dad loved grape jelly & bacon sandwiches. i didn’t try one until after he passed away; i wanted to know what he was tasting in them. turns out… they’re fucking delicious. it’s the classic sweet & salty combo. maybe you can listen to your dad’s favorite music. maybe you can visit a local pub he liked to go to. watch his favorite movie, even if it’s awful to you. you can construct an idea of the person your dad was, and you can engage with that. maybe you will understand better what threads you together. because you are threaded together, no matter how young you were, no matter how little you recall.

or maybe you won’t. and honestly, there’s merit in radically accepting that these things may always be a mystery to you. there are so many people with living parents who lack connection with them, all the way til the bitter end. death is not all that holds us apart sometimes. but it hurts more because you had no choice in it. his absence doesn’t make you less his child. it doesn’t make him less your father. it doesn’t make him mean less in your life. you are so valid for wondering these things, for having these questions, for feeling jealousy and bitterness towards people who have or had what you never got to experience or find out. it’s okay. it’s completely understandable. i feel that, too, for many different reasons.

you have many options at your feet. you can go anywhere you want, like a detective trying to put together evidence. you can embark on a journey to try to understand more about your dad, and that will probably be beautiful and sad at the same time. or you do not have to. you can do anything else with your time and your energy. there is no right or wrong answer. there is no "best time" to do it. there is no easier or harder. there is only doing what you feel compelled to do, one moment at a time.

we don’t know each other but i am sending you love. come back any time 🖤